When I was little, all I wanted was love and affection
From my family…from you…
I wanted you to play and laugh with me and read me stories
And though I never got that, I loved you anyways
You told me you didn’t want me because I was a girl
You already had a son but you wanted SO BADLY for me to be a boy
You left me on the street corner hoping someone would take me
But no matter what…I loved you anyways
You held me at the top of the stairs and told me you would drop me
You left me with scars; physical, mental and emotional
You traumatized me more than you ever realized
And still…somehow…I managed to love you anyways
You never told me you were proud of me
Nothing I ever did was good enough
You could never even mutter the words ‘I love you’
But I continued to love you anyways
You told me that I wasn’t really part of the family
Because one day, I would change my last name
So you made me feel like I did not belong
And yet…I loved you anyways
I called you to tell you I was engaged
You could not even be happy for me
“Have a nice life and tell your kids that their grandparents are dead”
I could no longer love you
Now you are getting older but definitely not wiser
You are missing out on the beautiful evolution of life
The simple pleasures of watching your kid’s kid grow up
You don’t deserve to experience the joyful bliss and happiness he brings
But I am not you
I would never take things away from you
Or say such hurtful words
And so…love lingers
——
Writing these blogs continuously help me to heal. This one specifically moved me to tears and I let the emotion attached to these words release. It’s a pretty powerful and liberating feeling.
If you are holding on to something from the past, you should try to find a peaceful way to let go and leave it all out there…where it belongs. Out with the old and in with the new! Don’t look back!
So tell me…what outlet do you use to move on from the hurt?
nvokechange 